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Jokes, Inanities, and Politicians
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Instructions Next time you hear something so dreadfully witty that you can't bear to forget it, put it here for all the world to share. Try to avoid things that require a great deal of explanation or that are inside jokes. Things that are funny enough to explain themselves are best. |
"As soon as I found out life was a bitch, it had puppies." |
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- A nony mouse Life added 01/06/2007 |
"A Hummer is a war vehicle. If you are allowed drive a Hummer around, I should be allowed to shoot a missile at it." |
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- anonymous comedian discussing the preponderance of ponderous SUVs added 04/30/2006 |
"If only closed minds came with closed mouths..." |
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- bumper sticker next to an anti-W sticker added 11/09/2005 |
"I'm sick to death of hipsters - clever is the new dumb" |
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- anonymous online personals site added 10/18/2005 |
"I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my ass" |
- bumper sticker election 2004 |
"fuck yoga" |
- T-Shirt seen at Home Depot |
"If Jimmy cracked corn, and nobody cares, how come somebody wrote a song about it?" |
- T-Shirt seen at Home Depot |
"They made a book called "AOL For Dummies". Seems a bit redundant..." |
- Charlie on a rant after visiting a book store |
"Sir, are you classified as human?" |
- Bruce Willis Responding to police interrogation in The Fifth Element |
"Remember: morons are people too." |
- anonymous bus driver commenting on the not-so-obvious positive qualities of stupid drivers |
"Blow me" |
- anonymous sailboat the name of the boat |
"When I got home from work, my roommate told me that JFK Jr. had died in a plane crash," said Richard Pollian of Duncanville, TX. "I distinctly remember thinking to myself, 'Huh.'" |
- The Onion news article about Kennedy's death a year or so ago |
"Hi, my name is Bitch." |
- anonymous bus passenger t-shirt with permanent fake nametag on it |
"Have a fucking good evening" |
- anonymous blockbuster employee as she gave us our movies |
"Disney gave us Mickey, |
- bumper sticker election madness |
"While sex heads a great number of lists, we all have other things we like to do in between." |
- Random (a character in Roger Zelazny's 'Amber') Discussion on life |
"You can't go out and kill people if you're already dead." |
- Anonymous Proposed slogan for a military flight-safety conference |